Abstract
In the United States, parents overwhelming rank “thinking for yourself” as a top priority for their children. Some see this desired quality as reflective of parents’ felt need to instill autonomy, independence, and self-fulfillment in their children to adequately prepare them for an individualistic age. Evidence from an interview study of 101 parents of school-aged children in the United States suggests that the meanings parents affix to the “thinking for yourself” priority are complex and varied, and do not follow a direct line to autonomous selffulfillment. For a majority of parents in this study, “thinking for yourself” means the child internalizes a moral code that comes from the parent, and enables the child to resist negative influences. Parents seem to embrace the language of autonomy and independence, but their concern appears to be more traditional and disciplinary: to instill a certain kind of character and virtue in their children.
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Notes
It’s worth noting that Rutherford’s research points to children’s increased autonomy in the private sphere (choices about clothes or meals), and decreased autonomy in the public sphere (less freedoms to explore, wander from home unmonitored, etc.). See Rutherford 2011.
The Culture of American Families Project was a three-year investigation into the family cultures that are impacting the next generation of American adults, examining the cultural frameworks and diverse moral narratives that both inform and are informed by American family life. The data for this project were collected in two stages from September 2011 to January 2012: first, a web-based survey of a nationally representative sample of 3000 parents of school-aged children and second, follow-up, in-person interviews conducted with 101 of the survey respondents. This essay draws from these 90-min, semi-structured interviews. All respondents in the interview sample were parents of school-aged children, the average age was 41 years old, 70% of the sample were female, about half had a college degree or more, about 58% were white, 20% black, 12% Hispanic, and 10% other race. For more information about the study, see “The Culture of American Families Project” at www.iasc-culture.org/caf. See especially Jeffrey Dill, “The Culture of American Families: Interview Report”, Institute for Advanced Studies in Culture, University of Virginia, Charlottesville, VA, December 2012.
The number one ranking “thinking for yourself” drops to 42% if only those with a high school diploma are included, though it is still the top choice, with “working hard” at 30%.
This percentage is from the total interview sample, not just the 60% that ranked “thinking for yourself” as the top priority. All parents, not only those who ranked it number one, were asked what “thinking for yourself” meant, so these percentages included parents who ranked it lower on their list. This excludes 12 respondents that did not say enough about it to be categorized or that did not see it as important enough to discuss.
All names of interviewees are pseudonyms to protect the confidentiality of the respondents.
In the national survey of 3000 parents, from which the interview sample was drawn, respondents rated “honest and truthful” and “persons of strong moral character” as the two highest aspirations for their children’s future. This is not necessarily surprising; it is hard to imagine parents saying they want bad children, or children without character. It is clear that parents (still?) have a strong moral sense when they discuss the kind of people they want their children to become. Parents clearly want “good kids.” See Culture of American Families: A National Survey, accessed at iasc-culture.org/caf
Changes in language use are challenging to empirically verify, but two recent studies have traced a decline in the “cultural salience” of the language of moral character and virtue, and the rise of “individualism” through changes in pronoun use. See Pelin Kesibir and Selin Kesibir 2012 and Twenge et al. 2013.
Further Reading
Alwin, D. 1998. From Obedience to Autonomy: Changes in Traits Desired in Children, 1924–1978. Public Opinion Quarterly, 32, 33–52.
Kesibir, Pelin and Selin Kesibir. 2012. “The Cultural Salience of Moral Character and Virtue Declined in Twentieth Century America,” Journal of Positive Psychology Volume 7, Issue 6.
Lynd, Robert S. and Hellen Merrell Lynd. 1929. Middletown: A Study in Contemporary American Culture Orlando: Harcourt, Brace and Company.
Rutherford, M. 2011. Adult Supervision Required: Private Freedom and Public Constraints for Parents and Children. Piscataway, NJ: Rutgers University Press.
Twenge, J., & Campbell, K. 2009. The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement. New York: Free Press.
Twenge, J. M., Campbell, W. K., & Gentile, B. 2013. Changes in Pronoun Use in American Books and the Rise of Individualism, 1960-2008”. Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology, 44, 406–415.
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Dill, J.S. The Parent Trap: The Challenges of Socializing for Autonomy and Independence. Soc 52, 150–154 (2015). https://doi.org/10.1007/s12115-015-9876-4
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DOI: https://doi.org/10.1007/s12115-015-9876-4