“I Would Never Let My Wife Do That”: The Stories We Tell to Stay Afloat

Abstract

My husband and I are high school sweethearts who were, from the outside, living the suburban American dream. Yet, a life that “should” have made me happy actually felt suffocating. In this narrative, I describe how I pursued academia as a way out, but was unprepared for the ways that the gendered notions of academia and trailing spouses would constrain and challenge both my partner and me, testing the strength of our marriage. Over time, we came to acknowledge our fluid identities and explore strategies to manage our mental health, marriage, and academic/career paths. Repositioning ourselves as agents in our narratives allowed us to disrupt and renegotiate the gendered discourses that previously constricted us. Now, we must determine what’s next.